EXTRA FOOTNOTE ON... hmm "what really is the process of
forgiveness?"
Having been a minor national 'commentator' on families etc from 2003 -
wonderful hilarious baptism of fire as it started from a fiery Portuguese gaol
in an actually HOT summer where they had their world record hot day 48.6
degrees...airless cells...folk dying... get the fuck on with life. It is
for the living..
.......and the basic rules are simple - they even worked it out in the
great sky fairy book 2000 years ago that harbouring bad deeds within corrodes
the soul of the baddie and all baddies were born goodies so if they can somehow
be helped to share the bad stuff it may save their life too...
Ever since i have had one ear open for wiser words on things like
'forgiveness'. ...You should see what someone wrote to a judge almost 20years
to the day when i had had yet another marvellous so so happy few days at
Aberdovey with my lass...
not believed by three mag.. at which point they should have slapped a
wrist as even if it appears to be a female one [ when in fact a truly sad
lost man was her pimp...for his personal self hatred at him leaving his
children behind..deserted them a few years earlier in truth.....so of course i
was a 'threat' to him...as everyone for miles knew i never would.. and my lass
was the happiest healthiest most friendly lass that age for miles..
false allegations kill people. False allegation capitol of
the world probably first equal with USA..they DONT do it in lovely EU....
Anyway yes basic soul fixing 101... letting someone get away with so
terrible lies is of course bad for them...turns them into a monster...as court
papers from 2005 kindof hinted at...
ancient history
And too many complex sub plots nothing to do with me.
I just had a rather peaceful happy life with lass of ZERO conflict or
angst with anyone - even the lying evil landlady supposed matron of the
area (i have recordings- that aint defamation) who took my money 6
years quite happily then booted us out to have tourist tenants despite writing
a letter to me a few months earlier she wasnt going to ...
so sad... even sadder a recent find - literary lady..i met her on her
daughter's 21st... she wished to share with me how she found her female friends
such liars... (bookshop at the dentist town)
and seemed to agree with me when i did my speech " i am 1 million
percent feminist equalicist..thats what the legal case was about..women are
liberated if blokes get half the childcare no matter what... plus all science
says kids benefit from being around both genders a lot.... thats ancient
history but the way it has gone.... women rightly should immediately have 50%
of board seats and mp jobs...we said that 40 years ago.. deal with the
fucker and so we can move on...but... these false allegations i know there are
zillions....small towns all around here..good people mainly men but more women
too these days.. their soul corroded by very nasty false legations. thats
cheating if i were a woman or anyone i would wish my quite righteous victory -
proper equality, to be gained by ONLY FAIR MEANS,,,if one uses foul means it
devalues the whole thing"
said she agreed.... then seemingly ran away crying after she was
offered 5 grands worth of books for free (honouring her openness and honesty)in
writing, no strings.... and told i love sort of a Sprout...
no hope ever in Uk ever.. why i know i must dump the books....
so, forgiveness... context re below... too dull and long a story. very
minor occasional encounters with tragically lost and dysfunctional money
grabber woman (proof available - her honest friends would sometimes hint)
and other family 2006 - 10...
being illegal act - famous court paper ripped up by him most
gloatingly Jan 2010 ..and obvious he will get his insane plod
friends to cause trouble if i knock on any doors (never did)
after we have the episode of the first tragic "flawed" [her
word] 'people pleaser'... .......for a few months lost and deceiving ...
my mother is asked to go knock on the door of her only grandchild
stolen despite most famous court order in uk.... quite a few times...she never
did... then when by a miracle a few months later i caused a sort of new start
" demand you go and stay at your granny's house'' [ not the fascist side
of family all lying militarists who were complicit having daughter stolen from
the egalitarian, green, pacifist with unblemished record [according to courts -
the real version... 2004-6] who had black people to stay at daughter and
dads (them stating to each other "must save her from
that...him...she will get infected"
having had the miraculous break of using granny as sort of maybe neutral
ground for the first time ever.... entirely coming to pass due my
efforts... hadnt seen only daughter 4 months.... granny doesnt even sit her
down in her kitchen "why don't we give dad a call.." never mind drop
her off...
now most folk would say Lady Macbeth made to look like an amateur by
that one...
which is true but all that matters is what is and how to... forgive..
move on but you never really do..i mean what if she died of covid (bet a
cofactor is internal poison) would i get a call?
anyway .. forgetting all these losers... because innocently that is what
they are.
Maybe a 'rule' for forgiveness.
Though all 'rules' of how to live - thats the problem hearing this new
cohort of sort of 'lifecoach' speakers then every pious self righteous act on
radio 4 its an act as to GET on radio 4 you have to be lethally sharp
elbowed..)
they ALL 'people please' or just say the first clever sounding
thing to get admiration for themselves...and thus if they sound really groovy
invited back on radio 4 this time with a fee.
I know in person 3 or 4 of these people - in their real life they are
all angry frauds. Hilarious event me recording a chat 3 years ago with local
god squad.... my actual joke-partner friends..... he said something so rude
about me someone he didnt know except for briefest street corner chats over 15
years... even they who did know me were shocked at his behaviour...which was
just ignorant and jumping to his horrid conclusions..about me...they knew was
heir unjudgemental friend
anyway forgiveness. I think the real version is that if
possible....somehow... one has to add in a step. I know t should just be
universal. No conditions.
But then there is real life especially in totally lost societies like UK
(many intellectuals now agree though it was obvious from about 2005ish.... )
Thing is if the person who did a bad act.. or more likely sort of loose
cabal. ....are so genuinely dysfunctional by some reasonable objective
measure... and have been for years.... well they cannot slow down, stop...and
ponder what it really means....
or at least takes a LONG long time..... for them to be honest
about themselves with themselves... and as literature and many good
autobiographies clearly tell us a good dose of life threatening corvid or heart
attack often helps....
is the spark in Dr Frankenstein’s lab to creating an actual 'human'...
in the post enlightenment fairly simple fair minded person vein...
without tyrannical narcissism ('mass formation') the rather wonderful
Sprout Desmett if now arguing started around beginning of the 20th
c...
Anyway forgiveness.... maybe it is more intelligent to indeed have
provisos...
i am sure it is in the sky fairie book " hand out olive branch and
draw a line in the sand.." the mother of my lass was told that by a fine
first ever black judge in wales, in 2004. she couldnt listen. Ever.
But then she came from the most murderous part of Europe in the 20th c
so it is ENTIRELY my fault for being so narcissistic and thinking she
would be fine and we would be fine..i would see it so...
My point: if one offers forgiveness baubles on olive branches. And
they are real ! (i have been tested ) even the least narcissistic fool in
the land is goin to sit there for weeks or months with it in the subconscious
" maybe ...just maybe... that will have worked.."
And this he cannot resume LIFE... that is no life...
so..if one knows 99.999% certain that a range of people simply are
so tragically dysfunctional, don't know basic fairly good 'rules' of being
fairly peaceful in the end as a human.... and that 5 decades have only proven
that.... time and again..
well.... is it mad to still think one should??
maybe
all i know is Houellebecq in his mainly magnificent literature got it
wrong... the end of one of them, i think Atomised.. he had just such a
woman - fake bohemian 'beautiful people' the expensive boutique fake
hippy Biba etc are expensive... to get one the money for, one requires
being sharp elbowed. Or a liar....
his version ...on her death bed she in a darkened room all alone
no real friends.... the estranged for years son (loony bin lite) ...she had
chosen rich boyfriends and expensive lifestyle over him....basically tells her
she is a witch and he hopes she is in a lot of pain....
that should never ever be done...or whoever made her such a baddie
...wins....
and anyway its a waste of breath they may not be able to hear with all
that death rattling ongoing
++++++++++++++
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
an unlisted page i am sending a link to to very very few.
first draft to be improved
I need help.
This is so so grand finale important.
I need opinion.
One life - mine - is happily not far from over, but another that may go
on half a century more it has been many years my duty to attempt to find words
that may help her have a lerss angsty half a century.
BUT.... ohhh my ohhh my...
Fifteen years i have been at 'this' - 'this' is hard to describe
succinctly. Especially as in regions like my home region the education and
'culture' became so utterly anodyne. I once knew a wonderful man from
Belfast - he alone got it. Because he also as well as like me being a
real deal child psychological good health campaigner, also he owned a bookshop.
In a few sentences we became as a society so so fearfully anodyne.
So terrified of real engagement. A nation of "people pleasers"
(an official illness according to NA and its VERY dangerous!). 'Help' ing
another human in a mess requires days of sometimes risky real engagement. I
know i used to do it for mums and dads in a terrible mess from mid
00s. Once for example demanding the ex policeman Jim who lived near his
kids sports grounds he hadnt seen two years (courts saying he should but as
usual evil Cafcass failing to ever act - usually, they are very fat so waddling
to some meeting i guess must be so hard for them so bless their souls i am sure
they thought about it or wrote an email about it) and was killing them all from
inside ...demanding that i take him to the playing fields after sports to meet
them again with the rugger coach they all knew as bridge across.... fuck all
just silly stuckness.
And because i read good books. Proper ones. Bernhanrd's Extinction,
Rachel's Mars Room, and a recent entrant, Bella's How to
Kill your Family...well, one learned decades ago with some
of the greatest satire ever created in Reggie Perrin, that absurdist
satire upon all our houses is extremely useful - maybe because the
inability to not take ourselves so damn fuckin seriously has destroyed UK from
the inside. No one CAN do anything 'real' due all this self regard..pandemic
of.
Some of us knew 15 years ago.... and for 12 years i have
innocently - the STANDARD MODEL...of simple humanity, sought one or other
good influence - simple straightforward stuff.... even if i
started January 2010 with the ;local evil vicar in Hay, so called Father
Richard asking him to invite lass to tea as we used to go to see classical
concerts in his evil church.... and everyone laughed at his famous dogs.... and
he knew us.... and would have been good neutral broker....
Nope...lying creep..fraud... homos of course cannot read "it
takes a village to raise a child.." and realise it may apply to him,
too... all he ever thought about is how his pathetic penis gets raised as he
regularly parades the streets of Hay with his latest younger boyfriend... he
would then parade ...so risqué, so modern..
Anyway forget him, then followed 12 years of attempting to find
some woman as good influence for my lass.... simple straightforward
humorous bridge. Good body language - because there has never ever
been any problem except a militaristic step family (including older siblings)
who hate all green and peaceful people who may get in the way of them making
money bombing Russia ..or far more likely some less well defended raghead
country as thats what bullies do..pick on those least likely to fight
back.....none of which has anything to do with me except such people have
always since biblical times used others - especially children, as weapons
in defence of their cant vanity and pride..
Anyway....great literature and education.... teaches us
...when uk was a BIT 'great' - 1960s gave us ...That Was
The Week That Was.... and its extraordinary how little has changed... the
great ABSURDIST satire of then...is probably all we have... still.
And i became good at that.
Even if i could never equal the exquisite quick humour of Mrs " is
it a scratch n sniff then"
Though darent share my real self around this anodyne region of
dangerously scornful Little Englanders....so i hide
VERY happily.
But foolishly for especially the last few years i fr4om time to time
industrially attack the female of the species with actual real life. Which
their online nonsense cannot dare to discuss:
My obvious requests 12 years to so so many - fair few real friends:
"Here is a lass, maybe if you help her by somehow trying to
engineer some way forward from her stuckness ... white lies are ok..
there are no issues... no dangers .. mad step family save their illegal
copper stuff [having corrupt mates at local well known dodgy Welsh nick] for
me...think we showed them whats what summer 2018..... you'll be ok... "
nope...no hope..... i knew years ago in other arenas - environmentalism
one.. the most selfish scaredy cat society ever existed... so self
obsessed - my first 'candidates' were several yoga preaching utter centre of
the 'community' ultra goody goody mindfulness really down to earth friends...
nope may as well be asking a hologram to be a real human being and help me...us
- as its my daughter especially who they knew would have benefited... good
neutral friendly influence...
So only absurdist comedic thoughtbubbles are left.... to me... so be it.
Keeps me going... a sort of mental Homeric joke book...
I suppose i will be leaving these lands in a few months.
The reason is not brexit, or terrible bigotry one hears in places like
Herefordshire and Powys (2020 the amount of people i heard - middle aged people
even town councilors, saying "its the blacks that are spreading it you
know..." - i make recordings for a chronicle, and have a few...)
or famously about the worst record on the environment in Europe
the last decade....
it
is in fact the terrible pandemic (that does NOT happen in Europe) of malicious
false allegations.... hearing/reading two women in one fortnight (last few weeks)
communicate their terrible experiences to me - one of these women i know
very well as do many in her town and know she is pure sweet and gentle yet a
woman made a 3am haul-out-of-bed-by-the-coppers false allegation so nasty about
her, it traumatised even me to hear about this (in front of a witness who is a
woman and unimpeachable)
This is eating our society out from the inside and is a permanent true
horror. Most men won't talk about it but i can tell you many think and worry
about it a lot. It only harbours true dystopia in years to come as unless
someone can start to open up on this the subliminal anger it often does
cause - a false allegation.... scars for decades.
Anyway good for me if i can one day get away....
And furthermore the 'ghosting' my god there became little point in
communicating with anyone, years ago.... (as a serious and respected societal
operator).
fear... your country. All too weird for me.
But as a sort of last spurt i am liaising with a few women and one chap
to try and leave some useful stuff behind as it were.
Especially (most happily) a woman known many years who has been shafted
(for about 50 k and shes lower middle class doesnt have much) by one of the uks
most revered commentators who has property and business in Hay-on-Wye where he
sells himself as some ultra cool goodie goodie...
funny story (genuinely) i known him years and 15 years ago meeting im
with my daughter in the hills obvious he was literally insane - he denied a
many CENTURY public footpath going through his property - on the os map...we
had with us....didnt exist..[ he gives talks at the OU.. thats how insane UK
can be]
so i am working on this big biblical 'forgiveness' thing on behalf of
the woman .. she is well known in region...kind of mother hen to many....
trying to counsel her the TRUE victory over this man is to offer olive
branch of forgiveness... (she is suffering immensely even her family - her
teenage nephews, have been sent truly evil facebook messages " your
aunty is a thief she stole our deposit on stalls ..[ for an event she was
arranging - he unlawfully tore up contract at last minute she had from him 2
years with large deposit paid to rent a large space ... 1000 tickets issued 150
quid a weekend... ]
i know the man... he will be so so shocked if he hears some human
response from [me putting my words into ] her ..it may just swing him to pay up
for her out of pocket 50 grand (he multi millionaire)
Anyway it just got me thinking of 'forgiveness'.
The context of the following is
to keep it as so so simple as possible
I think it speaks for itself though i never plan things out, one thing
not clarified, is that i received in spring 2011 about the worst phone
call one could ever receive - from a Judas. In fact sadly for her memory she
will go down maybe in history as one of the worst ones (she was invited
to be at a top 250 quid a ticket London conference in late 2006 at the
hotel they poisoned the Ruskie just a few days later, where her granddaughter
and son were there as national symbol of healthy father and child relations..in
fact the massive conference even Harriet Harmon was at was basically ABOUT
them.. her and him... !!!)
....She didnt know that in 2011 she called me by accident rather
than the call to suck up to the man who unlawfully 18 months earlier instigated
the theft of my child from me...
she will be a famous future Judas.. because for a decade.. well 12
years..i have been writing a lot and some is very good - i have been told by
London litterati......one day some of it will get published.. and my copious
diaries and films and recordings are a large archive of the real face of uk
....
I have NEVER met anyone in Herefordshire or Powys 'worth' naming and
shaming - they are all so so shallow and inept at being the nasty people they
dream of being, so anonymity all around is my own wish.... my
wonderful chronicles are so deidentified...
All i have really cared about is how i may find some neutral easy
person...has to be female for obvious reasons...sort of there as mutual loose
acquaintance to daughter and dad... in 12 1/2 years i have loosely and
organically floated these thoughts around 25 ish women...all of whom make out
they are the bees knees...
Not one ever actually offered any real straightforward suggestions even
of how to get through the bramble patch....it really is as if we entered the
land of the Teletubbies years ago...
.... herein though two in my opinion excellent fun REAL last
questions i have ... long long perused.
Should she know?
Do i leave this or some version of it in an online vault for after i die
of boredom as its real life doing REAL stuff for other folk and i know
no one for years who ever can.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xgKKPM0Rz9M
nb a bit creepy making vids of self but then i was thinking this
afternoon super enjoyed pilates instructors even in the stix think nothing of
it - being chirpy into the selfie camera - made me very happy autumn 2020 seeing
those excellent vids ...so indeed do it...
and anyway
(more important - obvious BASIC psychology)
WITNESS... i even asked the god squad.....
'witness' means can give simple ordinary words if one expires "
nope dad wasnt bitter and twisted... quite sparky really most of time..for
example 2020 from April; when all the god squad were feeling sorry for
themselves and hiding [many recorded calls in my chronicle of the real
version of uk which is far more about brexit in fact and how many dozen my
'side' did absolutely NOTHING to join in the political process which requires
posters going up etc...nope they just bitched at each other.... corvid
just the icing on the cake..... of them - local church elders, saying
they were doing just that].. went out and made more new friends than in all
rest of life put together..and did a fair bit of service in the community....
those who believed in immortality seemed to be rather remiss in remembering
even their main fliippin sales focus, existed... "
but forget that - a one off.....simple as. I asked my many year supposed
sort of best friend that a year ago - him total 100% official God squad.... we
speak hours most weeks - Socratic debates for hours sometime son brexit
morality the lot........ for 7 years... known for 10.
i found it extraordinary when i suggested that PRIVELAGE that i would
like to appoint im as go to in the event of someone shooting me or an escaped
ferret dining on me one cold winter night.. he got so angry. So so angsty....
despite being an elder in the Moormon church of really lost
souls...obviously....as it is just about the first rule of terrestrial
'justice'..make sure the true story can be passed on. especially as if a child
doesnt hear this and she is stood by my grave to spit on one day she will
assume one year...after the standard UK disaster of madness and drugs maybe
abates down the line " oh my...i ruined his life.. ow can i ever have any
peace [and she wont] " so sad as no she didnt as my life wasnt
ruined.
so yes when Greg was asked this a year ago " can i put you down as
main go to person ... just make sure she knows... dad was quite positive and
always good energy... you were 'witness'... /" he gets so so so uppity as
if he had been asked to hand over all his ill gotten South African
inheritence...my oh my...
One cannot even be sure of a gift that costs no one anything in this mad
selfish angry country: someone who will tell a truth they well know is true...
at a fuckin funeral.
So i guess its an ok thing even if my hero Thomas Bernhard made so much
absurdist satire against them arising... the camera exists.
I never lie to mine.
Nor my superb (well read) brown halfbreed friend Maverick.
For two years we have had a daily dialog of the most insulting conceivable
satirical absurdist messaging...
like me he wants nothing... big beefy builder but true poet and literary
genius
raised himself on John Cooper Clark, the best of punk, Dylan,
and is only British man i have ever met - and know - ie getting to know
him properly, who truly likes women
He knows that our messaging for 2 years in fact will one day be
published as it is the answer to the completely false political correct
'diverse' nonsense that took over and he hates more than anyone...
There has never been any more rude and foulmouth dialog between two
humans (as him and i). But it is so beautifully poetical and through it we
express also love....real love.... solidarity and fellowship.... i tell him
everything. There are no limits. Ever.. which is how humans should be...
words are irrelevant, only actions matter.
Anyway he would never falsely opine "ohh poor you"
in answer to the following last week he would write " great spot
for you to take yourself to with a rope and save humanity from any more of
you"
Shakespeare wrote quite correctly tragedy + time = comedy.
Me to Mav last week,
3 messages out from me of many in our whatsaps and texts - we are often
at each other all day. some become truly funny:
i am parked next to....for a decade my lass and i owned this top
parking spot.... suss out who passes by and wants to play with our
ferrits ( always onboard, on road tripzz...Kerouac pathetic fraudster.....our
road tripzzz were the actual reel fing...)
for a decade every summer every few weeks my lass would be
on this helter skelter...50 yards from our official parking spot next to the beach - get there by 8am, it's always free........havent
been here since she was stolen 12 years ago....couldnt face it...til now.....
feel the pure emotion and pain...death....in me at this 'moment'.... i havent seen this for 13 years.... hasnt changed at all in 20...nuclear bomb to my poor pathetic soul.... hashtag suicide
the early bird catches any worth worming.
fuck off i own this spot...
theres a tune for every occasion...
